“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yeah! I wish! Not in my reality…yesterday and the day before is dragged around like a ball and chain around the ankles and the journey becomes harder. Every happening has repercussions. The preparation for the recital of Dance already has taken its toll and resulted in ‘fatal’ and irretrievable occurrences. One works with people…most especially mothers who feel the need to be in firm control of not only their children’s lives but mine as well.
I don’t know why I have been so blind and misguided for so long. What part of my own human psyche believed so unconditionally that I could make this work and make a difference to this community I serve with teaching an Art form that is so magnificent? So many times it was shown by either words or the occurrence of events that this is a dream, a vocation that has gone horribly wrong….not because I couldn’t teach the syllabus or do the demonstration of it or even interact with the student but simply because what was and remains important to me is not what governs the lives of my students. Art requires commitment and there is no commitment to what is happening within the School of Arts. Dance requires absolute dedication of which the foundation is routine….routine of class attendance, class format and constant practise. The South African child has in the last two decades evolved into a being who has many expectations. The south African child has ‘rights’ that may not be violated. These ‘expectations’ and ‘rights’ enrich and benefit a mindset that applies little effort in many instances and reaps great rewards at the cost of others. The dedicated students who work with their whole being does not in admiration make up for the void left by those who are constantly absent at crucial lessons.
How to continue? for the very sake of these students.? The above quotation states that I would be begin the day serenely….no! I begin the day in severe anxiety stilled by tablets and juice. Today….or so I tell myself …is the last day I begin like ‘this’. But it never is because by the time this evening arrives I am thanking my Creator that I lasted another day in the ‘space’ I call work. The cycle begins again tomorrow.
“Life’s hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.”
― John Wayne
Without wishing to sound self deprecating and a martyr to my own realities I believe that John Wayne might just be right. I am stupid enough to believe in the more positive aspects of this profession which is just not materialising. In the words of Jeshua of Nazareth (for even He had his fears and anxieties…so why not I)…if this cup can pass from me…please let it…but by Your will. But deep down in the very depths of the soul one knows….one just knows….that this is a Golgotha that must be faced.
“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”
― J.K. Rowling