I have been struggling to get my mom Beth well but finally with thanks to my doctor who had great empathy and insight we have been able to tame the ’emotional and hormonal rapids’.  She has not plunged into a state of extreme despair for about two weeks now and this is due to carefully taking the medication. She is still struggling for physical strength but her blood pressure and so on is excellent and she looks toward to the visits of the medical sister.

The saga of my Volkswagen is ongoing…..my car has been with the mechanic for more than???….I have lost count of the days and weeks.  Friday, 28th April saw another episode in the ongoing drama concerning the repairs of this car.  How I got through the afternoon, the evening, without revealing to my mom what occurred must surely attest to my ability for ‘putting on a face’.  But I finally had to tell Beth what occurred .  It pushed her into another tearful state of remorse.   I can only say this: in this world there is a lot of evil and bad things.  Drugs, visual media, written words, people….the whole spectrum that can ruin ones life….but BUT NOTHING CAN HURT AND RUIN LIKE ILL ADVISED AND TIMED POSTINGS ON FACEBOOK .  I wrote a poem once called ‘Lucifer went walking’….in it I allude to the internet being his tool….I have changed my mind…..Facebook is his tool.  What I went through on Friday afternoon with reference to my Volkswagen was born of Facebook comments I was not aware of, didn’t ask for and certainly don’t condone.  I was in such a state of disbelief and shock I can’t quite remember anything about the drama class except that I could give new Afrikaans readings.

I,we, were getting better and there was a glimmer of hope for returning to where we were before the 21st February.  I was even  on Thursday able to write a poem…yes a brand new poem…born of discussion with Beth who was very animated on Thursday which everyone will remember as Freedom Day.  She made a remark and the words flowed.  I felt as though I had emerged from a dark tunnel and I had  arrived in a place I knew to be safe. The poem is not my usual standard this I know but I was hoping to get better.

Spieëltjie aan die Muur

Spieëltjie spieëltjie aan die Muur
wie is die sterkste van ons hier?
wie hou ons toekoms in die hand
wie het die meeste invloed in die land?
Ai maatjie dit wil ek nie sê
ek is te bang die ruimte hoor my
en dra my woorde terug na plekke
waar dit nie hoort te lê

Spieëltjie spieëltjie aan die muur
hoekom is skool so swaar
en onderwysers so geleerd
maar niks het om te sê?
En ouers is te moeg en sonder ‘n glimlag
en alles is so vinnig
en al wat grootmense kan sê is
ek wil dit so hê.’
Wat het geword van speel in die reën
verspot en kordaat sodat die engele ons kan seën?
Ai maatjjie dit wil ek nie sê nie
ek is bang die wind dra my woorde
en laat val die waarheid waar dit nie hoort te lê

Spieëltjie spieëltjie aan die muur
hoekom kom die seisoene nie soos hulle moet
en die reën val met woede en die wind waai deurmekaar
en treine bots op reguit spore
en vliegtuie val uit die lug
en mense skreeu en slaan mekaar met tuisgemaakte plakkaarte?
Ai maatjie dit wil ek nie sê nie
ek vrees die ore wat kan hoor en my woorde weg dra
na ander lande waar dit verdraai word
en so breek ons waarheids bande.

Spieëltjie spieëltjie aan die muur
jy is tog die slimste hier
elke kinderboek wat ek besit
vertel van jou bekwaamheid en hoe jy die waarheid stut.
Kan jy dan nie nou praat
en my vertel hoekom word my wêreld so vol haat.
Ai maatjie kom nader en luister na my….
niemand sal vir jou die antwoord op jou vrae gee
jy hou die waarheid in jou eie hand….
maak oop…kyk en gebruik jou siels verstand.
Mense is teenstrydig,politici is boos, kinders is verlore
en grootmense is voos
seisoene is ontydig want die aarde lui aan skok
die wind weet nie meer watter kant nie
en die reën is bi-polêr
en die sonskyn is sku terwyl die donker lok.
Net jy kan dit verander
net jy met die krag van ‘bo’
moet nie meer vra nie..al wat jy moet doen is glo.
Net jy het die antwoord
net jy kan jouself red
Jy maak die reëls vir jou eie lewe
(maak dit met insig en wysheid)

After Friday the tunnel is dark again.  How to approach this week trying to get back our lives, the car and inspiration.

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