How do I describe the terrible fear and isolation I feel as my mother lies in ICU. How do I tell of the thoughts that invade my mind while the radio plays the saddest music. This morning I heard for the first time a piece of music called ‘a mothers love’ sung by Katherine Jenkins. It tore me apart and I found myself crying hysterically in the passage while my little NooNoo tried to figure what was wrong. She is not used to this.
‘This’ is a fight we cannot win unless by great and miraculous interventions by God. If Lazarus could be healed after all his organs shut down, after he lay dead for days….is there hope for my beloved Beth?
I had Radio Veritas place her name on then altar for Mass at 12pm.
“Oh mom if I could hold you once more in my arms and tell you that you are my best friend and inspiration….my reason for walking this journey, my teacher and my mentor. If I could ask you once more advice about a poem or a painting. If I could tell you how much I love you and if you could forgive me for putting you in hospital when you didn’t want to go. If I could tell you about the progress with the drama students and their RACA poems. If I could once more sit in front of your wheelchair and rub your legs and bandage them again.”
The staff of the hospital have been remarkable and they have given permission that I can visit you at anytime., I am going to you now before I begin the afternoons teaching. These teaching hours I need to survive the terrible isolation and panic I feel. The Head of Department has been kind and the specialist physician. There are moms in my school who have been so supportive and kind and have offered so much by way of help. There are encouraging Sms’s and mms’s…..but when the darkness closes in and the silence envelopes the house and I am not bringing you your tea or you are not asking to watch a Catherine Cookson on film on your tablet….I am bereft and full of emotion and I know true isolation….and its devastating.